So you want to know more about common classes you have to take in college? Look no further. I can tell you what you are about to get yourself into.

*Warning: humor is about to be used in potent places.*

## Statistics

It’s like math on acid, a class you take if you have too much confidence in your ability in math, when you want to learn to count cards or win the lottery, when you want to torture yourself with z-scores and t-scores. What you discover is weird concepts like “probability” and “normal curves,” and that deviations are not only standard but helpful to relate confidence in results. In other words, you will never win the lottery, rarely do you find normal curves in nature, let alone people, and statisticians are weird.

You would be better off sticking to algebra or calculus, and let the nerds do statistics.

## Organic Chemistry

You aced general chemistry, so you thought why not, let’s play with ochem (orgo). You are good at math and formulas, how bad could ochem be? Organic chemistry is the hardest class you will ever take in college. There is almost no math. You need to be creative, good at visualization, imaginative, love to solve puzzles, and think outside boxes. You must be like an artist, but be able to memorize vast quantities of information while also be able to use it. From molecules to synthesis problems, to isomers and arrow formulism, you will form a new appreciation for the days you didn’t know ochem existed.

And above all, you will realize that calling food “organic” actually has no meaning at all. Even pesticides are organic.

## Calculus

Calculus starts you out with derivative calculus, learning to add infinite blocks to find the area under a curve, then takes you backwards from the area to the curve, and finally makes you wonder the volume of objects in 3D, and then you’re on to calculus 4, or “differential equations,” which is kinda like crazy calculus, or no one really knows what it is. This form of math allows you to understand everything about everything, except how to find dates. If you are good at calculus, you are probably bad at talking to girls.

## Physics

Physics is math applied to the physical world. Classical, Newtonian physics allows you to understand most of the world. Modern physics is a whole different beast, basically reversing things you learned in classical physics. You get to understand gravity, that yes, chances are if you try to jump a ramp with your bike you will make it onto Youtube fail videos. It’s the science of why things on your body sag and why you can’t play basketball when you’re older. Of all the sciences, physics is the hardest. Water it down you get chemistry, and water that down you get biology. Physicists are the smartest of the scientists you know and usually the weirdest college students. It always pays to know at least one physicist so you can brag you know smart people.

## Biology

Officially, biology is the study of living things, and when mixed with organic chemistry becomes biochemistry. Unofficially, it’s the science of memorizing things and where most pre-meds live. If you are good in biology, don’t brag; it’s like being good at history. You are basically good at memorization. It always makes me nervous when doctors say they majored biology because it’s not that impressive.

## Engineering

Engineers used to be about fixing trains. Now they are simply physicists who can actually do something with their lives besides being weird. If you can build stuff, choose civil engineering as a major. Wire stuff or connect you stereo? Electrical engineering. Make things move, mechanical engineering. Or make cyborgs of people, biomedical engineering. Or do just about anything in tech, computer engineering. Industrial engineering, I have no idea, maybe be industrious, no one really knows.

## Recreational Management

This is THE major for beautiful people. Enough said.

## Algebra

Algebra is the math you turn to when you want to know how many lemons to squeeze to make 10 gallons of lemonade. Assuming you have tons of sugar, you calculate the proper proportions of everything to mix. Want to be a bartender, you got to know algebra. Let’s see, 1 part this and 3 parts that, margarita. Numbers and letters get to play pals in solving unknowns. Get good at just algebra and you can rule the world.

## Geometry

Geometry is the study of math with angles, lines, planes, shapes, and some weird logic game using proofs. With knowledge of proofs, you will never lose another argument again.

## Trigonometry (aka precalculus)

Trigonometry is the study of how the angles and lengths of a triangles relate. This math allows you to know height or length without measuring something, using simple to complex angle relationships. It’s got geometric principles mixed with magic. Find the height of a tall building or the length of an underground tunnel, let’s approximate it with trigonometry. Thanks to trigonometry, you can get pretty good approximation measurements.